Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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