Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
