So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
