She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
