I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
