ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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