i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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