I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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