i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
