I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
