So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
