please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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