i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
