how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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