i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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