Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
