Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Come see our sink grown plant.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
