She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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