Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize