no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
