why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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