your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
