I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
