nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
