i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
