I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
