I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
