At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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