Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
