I think im going to throw up on grandma
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
