bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
