I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize