Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
