dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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