Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
