those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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