I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
