Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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