i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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