genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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