I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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