I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
