Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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