Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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