on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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