I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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