four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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