i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
