Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
