I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
