Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
