I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
