Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
