some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come share oat with me in your robe
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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