Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
