I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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