I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
