i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
