i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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