Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
