I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
