I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
