I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Farmville is her only friend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
