just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize