you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
