new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
