um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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