I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize