I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
