i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
