my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
