If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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