lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
