Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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