I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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