I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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