grandma shit on top of the toilet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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