I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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